


would you rather we talk it out or just kiss about it

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, F/F, Multi, Sloppy Makeouts, intergalactic diplomacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22839469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: So Jade Harley's attempts at negotiating peace haven't gone as well on the Vriska side of things...maybe it's time to try the Feferi part of them??
Relationships: Feferi Peixes/Vriska Serket, Jade Harley/Feferi Peixes, Jade Harley/Feferi Peixes/Vriska Serket, Jade Harley/Vriska Serket
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17
Collections: Polyswap Leap Promptfest - Dusk Edition





	would you rather we talk it out or just kiss about it

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [ChloroformFish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloroformFish/pseuds/ChloroformFish) in the [Polyswap_Leap_Promptfest_Dusk_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Polyswap_Leap_Promptfest_Dusk_2020) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Pirate Lord Vriska Serket is giving Empress Feferi a major headache. Enter: famous intergalactic bounty hunter Jade Harley. Can Jade facilitate an agreement between these spirited parties?

Your fingers tap a rhythm against your jaw as you attempt not to sink entirely into boredom, a state apparently unbecoming of an Empress. In your defense—not that you think you _need_ a defense for being bored at a meeting like this—you have a lot of other, far more interesting things on your mind, first and foremost of which is the problem of the Pirate Lord Vriska Serket, who is the absolute worst.

Mostly the worst.

She had a hell of a glow up, sure, but she's still the worst.

Mostly.

A dreary hour later and the meeting comes to an end, leaving you alone with your own plans for the evening. Serket's latest method of giving you the metaphorical finger has taken on the form of leaving you little "tokens". She claims they're symbols of her esteem and affection for the Crown of the Realm, but you know far better than to believe a word that girl says. Instead, you focus on scouring over them, in the hopes that you'll be able to glean something of worth, something you can use against her, something—

"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry," you say, almost automatically, when you crash into someone while walking along, locked deep in your reverie. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, ah—" Your eyes go wide at the sight of bright green ones, just before you. Holy shit. Holy shit! "Jade? Jade Harley?"

She's beaming despite the fact that you nearly ran her over, and such a cheerful expression warms you all the way from your fins to your feet. "No harm, no foul! It's a pleasure to meet you, Your Radiance—in fact, you're just the troll I was looking for!"

"The pleasure is all mine," you say, offering her your hands and gently squeezing the both of hers once you have them. "It's an honor to have the famous intergalactic bounty hunter Jade Harley aboard!"

Her face twists into an apologetic grimace, and you take a step back, wondering if you've miscalculated your own tyrian strength. It's a rare occurrence, now that you're grown, but you haven't tested yourself on control when you get overexcited in a long time. "I'm not so sure my presence here is going to be a pleasure much longer, Your Radiance."

Now that's curious. You offer her your arm, feeling relieved when she takes it, and start down the hallway of your flagship to one of the little abiding antechambers set aside to interview guests. "Please, call me Feferi, and explain why your presence should cause me any kind of distress at all?" You're certain it won't—in fact, you're already planning to send for snacks, and possibly wine, and maybe flowers—

"I'm here to negotiate an agreement between you and the Pirate Lord Vriska Serket."

Oh. Well.

You hate it when people are right about you being upset with them.

* * *

The sudden foul feeling over your fins hadn't stopped you from showing Jade to one of the nicer blocks (but _not_ the one with the hidden concupiscent platform, tucked in an attached block, as you had originally planned) and calling for some small treat for the two of you to share. You'd prefer a moment to regather yourself, and food has always proven, in your opinion, to be a great equalizer between the unsteady (you, in this case, a rare factor indeed) and the composed.

Jade is supremely composed, sprawling out happily over a couch and scooping up a handful of the little cookies on the tray before you. It's a damn shame she's in league with the pirate, because you're _really_ a fan of people who seem so at ease around you, regardless of setting or circumstance.

"So tell me," you say, when you've judged an appropriate amount of time has passed, "what exactly you meant by...negotiate an agreement? Last I recall, my main goal with regards to Serket was to see her behind bars for her crimes, not let her get away with murder, _again_."

"But what if she was willing to turn her talents towards something a lot better than piracy?" Jade's hair is hanging off the end of the couch, and you're waiting for one of the cookies to go flying as she waves it through the air. "What if she made up for her crimes by joining your service in some fashion? Like—I dunno, did you guys ever have privateers in your history?"

"...something like that," you allow, considering. It's a thought that had crossed your mind before, but you'd soundly rejected it between thinking it and Vriska's next incident. "But that could only happen if I trusted her, and there's no way in the deep sea's hell that I'll ever be able to do that."

"Just give me a month—a perigee, I mean—and you'll see," she promises. You're really wishing Jade wasn't so reassuring; even knowing what you ought to say next doesn't prevent you from being oh so tempted to agree.

"I've no proof that you're not one of her spies, though." You lean back against the couch, surveying her, wondering how she'll react to the accusation. "How do I know the two of you aren't in league against me?"

Jade pauses, and you have to wonder at the briefly pained look on her face. Perhaps it's— "You have no idea how many opening lines and weird references you just gave me that I can't actually use. Okay! Well!" She waves a hand around her, and you concede (in your own mind, at least), that it's not anything to do with you catching her out in a lie. "Basically, I don't have any particular reason to be in league with her, but I'm also aware that it's not something you could easily check! I _will_ say that the great feud between the two of you has interrupted some of my own expeditions, which I'm not really a fan of?"

"I understand, and—"

"But it's also because you're both really hot, and I don't think dating either one of you is going to work out with the situation being the way it is."

Your jaw drops, which is, you think, what Jade really wanted, because she takes the opportunity to lean in (oh, you regret not offering her time to dress and change, she came in from gods know where in her bounty hunter's gear) and start explaining her plan while you're too flustered to do or say anything about it.

* * *

It takes three perigees to get everything in order exactly the way Jade wants it, and then you have to admit, the setup's kind of perfect: Neutral ground, an even balance of strength and weaponry between the three of you, and leave to call the whole thing off the minute one of you gets the slightest bit uncomfortable. It's perfect. Or, it would be, if it weren't for the fact that no plan survives first contact with the enemy.

"Peixes," Vriska says, sauntering in as if she owns the place.

(She doesn't. You'd checked.)

"Serket," you reply, your fins held high and perfect, instead of spread into a challenging flare the way you'd like.

Jade looks between the two of you, and you wonder if she's starting to regret her brilliant idea to set up this whole thing. If that's the case, you'd like to be the first to congratulate her on _finally_ ditching the optimism in favor of believing you re: The Impossibility of Working With Vriska Serket.

You wait. Vriska waits.

"So there's a _lot_ of unresolved sexual tension here, wowza, I mean, I knew to expect it, but this is a whole other level!"

Your face goes a brilliant fuchsia pink, your fins as well, fluttering—the only thing keeping you from screeching like a startled harpy is the fact that Vriska herself has gone as blue as you. "Harley, when you told me about your plan—"

"You're just mad because I found your _poetry_ about how attractive she is—"

"It's not poetry! I keep a diary, as my Ancestor did! It's like a Captain's Log for a ship—"

"Okay," you say, cutting overtop the both of them, tilting your eyes up to the ceiling of the prettily decorated room. "What if we just...stop talking, and make out? Is that good? Does that sound okay?"

You don't get an answer, but you don't really need one, given that they start kissing you right away.


End file.
